Jerry Mahoney’s Mommy Man blog. From the challenges involved in getting ready to go out in the snow to questions to ask a surrogate, Mahoney captures how his everyday family makes perfect sense.
I read Mommy Man’s blog obsessively. It is hilarious and candid, and yesterday I started (for the first time) to think about his choice of blog title.
I wonder if I am mistaken in seeing “mommy” as female and the suffix of “man” as brave in subverting its immediate gender associations. Could “daddy” in all its variations be better fed so that it can flourish and survive on its own? What is Mahoney trying to tell us with his “Mommy Man” title, but the additive and descriptive subtitle: “adventures of a gay superdad”? Mahoney is “currently a stay-home Dad raising my kids full-time”. So why use the label “mommy” – is it about visibility? As John Hart wrote in Saturday’s Guardian on his role as a home dad -
“…we’re invisible… Dads only take care of children as “hilarious” one-offs. My Mother and Baby card gets me 10% off coffee – Tuesdays and Wednesdays only – but it does nothing for my self-esteem.”
Mahoney is radical, embodying both “mommy” and “daddy” and in so doing he reflects a murkier reality in which there isn’t enough narrative space to be a “dad” if you are performing the role we seem to only understand in the shape of “full time mother“. Alongside the Office of National Statistics’ report in the marked rise in the number of primary male carers, how can we change the language of care to better reflect this reality?
Hi Emily. I really appreciate the analysis of the term “Mommy Man”. You’re definitely on the right track as to why I chose that title for the blog. I feel like women (mommies) created my job, and I’m proud to do something that many people still consider “women’s work”. Also, it’s kind of a subtle jab at people who insist that kids deserve a mommy. It’s my way of saying, “Oh yeah, well, we may have two dads in my family, but I’m going to do my best to fill that mommy role you think is so essential.” Plus, I like that it sounds like a superhero name. It helps boost my own self-confidence when really I’m just fumbling blindly through the most difficult job I’ve ever had.
Hi Jerry, thank you so much. I think you isolate two really important things: pride and the unfortunate weight of outside impressions – I don’t know how we can overcome these to give “dad” the weight it needs but I figure we should keep trying nonetheless. I also just re-read your “dadscrimination” article (May 7, 2012: http://jerry-mahoney.com/2012/05/07/its-a-mommys-world-exposing-dadscrimination/) and think it hits on a few of the same points.
I love your blog, keep doing it and I can’t wait for your book. I’ll be in line to advance order it on Amazon.
E